How Can I…?

Funny how the universe works…when I’m paying attention, listening and opening myself up to the messages and lessons I’m meant to hear.

Even if it is over and over again!

You see, even though I’ve spent many years making personal development a priority in my life and I’ve developed a self-care practice that I know keeps me grounded, AND supports me to live a life I love, I have to admit that sometimes I allow myself to wallow in my old bad habits and tune into noise and distraction rather than to inspiration.

Negative messaging has been a part of my life forever.

I have fun saying that it is “hard coded in my DNA”, and that’s not just an expression of mine, I believe it to be true.

Some patterns die hard… and my personal replay button is stuck when it comes to negative messaging.

What do I mean, negative messaging?

I mean that wallow around in the muck s%#t that drags me down. I mean that “I’m having a lousy day” stuff that sounds like:

It’s too hard

I can’t figure this out

Life sucks

No one will help me

I’ll never make it

I just can’t

I’d do it but…

If only I had…then…

I”ll never get there

It’s just not right

But it’s not exactly the way I wanted it

They don’t care anyway

I’m too ___________!

It’s all because of _______________.

I GIVE UP!

Maybe I’m not saying “I’m not good enough” verbatum, but these messages have just as much stopping power as any other. And stop me they do!

And before I know it, I’m sinking in the quicksand of stuck-ness!

Sinking…sinking…sinking…

Then, almost miraculously, the hand of universal energy reaches out for me, extending a life line that I grab to pull myself out.  And this week, the lifeline looked like this:

Living Your Truth, w/ Elizabeth Potts Weinstein

For the past few weeks I’ve been part of a group program called “Live Your Truth”. I joined the group because I feel a real connection. I’m reminded that I founded Wise Well Women based on the tenet of living authentically, speaking my voice, and encouraging others to do the same. So, through this program I practice defining and declaring “my truth” each day.

My truth is I am a coach. Specifically, I am a Creativity Coach, and as such I help women entrepreneurs with every aspect of their creative life and business.

Even if I’m not comfortable with the word, coach, it is who I am. Before I even knew the term, mentoring and supporting others was a  key part of my personal and management style. It is what I’ve always done. When I worked for someone else we just called it something different. But the deliverables were the same.

Last week I posed a question on my FaceBook Fan page: (on the discussions page)

What do you expect from a coach?

And one of the responses was to “call me on my S#@T!” Boy, did that resonate with me that day!

Obviously, I was deep in the muck then, and just not quite ready to come out.

Then yesterday I pulled out a CD from a business growth coaching program I’d completed last Fall,

EnergyRich Business Boot Camp, and Marketing Mastery with Heather Dominick.

I popped that CD into the player in my car and heard Heather say, (as if she were speaking to me and me alone):

Ask yourself the question, “How Can I…?”

Activate the energy of creating possibilities, not limitations, she said.  The message was exactly what I needed to hear. She was absolutely “calling me on my S#@T!”

How can I? How can I use what I have in place, this moment, to step up and do what I know I have to do to be successful?

If I’m stepping up, as I declared I was doing at the beginning of 2010, then I’ve got to take inspired action. No whining and wallowing allowed!

When I’m Living My Truth, I’ve declared I’m stepping up, and I’m deliberately working my self-care routines that I have developed to support me.

When I’m self-coaching, I’m calling myself on my S#@T! And, I stop wallowing around in the muck of stuck.

When I’m effectively managing and marketing my business, I’m asking myself “How Can I?” and taking inspired action to get things done!

Wow! Boy does that feel good-like the weight of the world was just lifted off my shoulders…

Does this mean I’ll never sink into the muck of stuck-ness again?

Certainly not. (Remember, it’s hard coded in my DNA )

But what it does mean is that I have affirmed once again, that I have everything I need to pull myself out when it does happen (and you can, too!)

So, ask yourself today…do you have the self development tools in place to support you?  If so, do you use them regularly? What kind of support could you use to help avoid wallowing around in that quicksand of stuck-ness forever?

Share your thoughts with me here in the comments section below. Don’t be afraid to reach out.

Your lifeline is ready!

In the spirit of wisdom, wellness and prosperity-

I wish you well-

Nanette

P.S. My biggest breakthroughs toward Living My Truth came when I found my voice. This blog is the evolution of my truth, which began as a simple journal. Sandy Grason, author of Journalution, gently encouraged me to rediscover my identity and my power on the pages of my journal in the early days of my healing. Without her support I never would have had the courage to make my thoughts public on this blog.

Open up your journal and write something in it today. And then do it again tomorrow. And the next day. And the next…

I promise you, amazing things will happen.

P.P.S. - Heather Dominick is starting another EnergyRich Business BootCamp in April, and she’s introducing the program on a f.r.e.e. teleclass March 16th. Don’t worry, this won’t be one of those waste of time, she’s just selling her program, teleclass events. You will come away with some amazing new insights into how to manage your energy to grow your business.

Confessions of a Stress Junkie

Note to readers: Reaching out to support a friend this week, I referenced this article, and suggested she check it out on my blog. When I went looking for it, I couldn’t find it. So, here it is again. My apologies if you’ve already read this one…but it bears repeating for me sometimes, too.

The week I was preparing for my first newsletter last September, I was inspired by my MM group, hearing in the voices of the members the same anxious and stressed tone that had become such a familiar pattern for me. I heard the voice of my previous identity.

I am a recovering “stress and adrenaline junkie”.

You see, here’s what “I know for sure” (if Oprah were to ever ask me…):

My energy and natural ability to handle and “control” large projects, multi-layered strategies, emergency situations, and rapidly changing environments was a complete cover-up for a deep, deep wound I call a “hole in my heart”.

I attached my value to the fact that I was able to handle stress with grace and ease. I was proud to say I had worked in organizations that no one else would put up with, or for difficult people, or in a 24/7 industry during very stressful times. That was my strength, my special skill– it was how I defined who I was. And I craved those environments to feel good about myself. When I wasn’t “crazy busy”, my ego mind would push me into creating more chaos.

When my “down on my knees” moment came, I was overcome with a true knowing that there is a power greater than me. In a moment, I surrendered my will and my life over to the care of that power (and I wasn’t even sure who/what that was!).

So I started to give up some of the “doings”. That meant I was giving up the thing that I had gathered all my value from. And, with no “doings” and “control-ings” to cover up the hole in my heart, what was in there started bubbling up. And when it did, my ego mind would try to drag me back into more “doings” so I could generate some more false self-worth and cover up the hole.

Sometimes ego still wins. But mostly, the hole is exposed now…

And I like it that way.

That’s where the value of “inner work” really shows itself to me. My wellness practices support healing that hole in my heart.

From that place I’ve learned that it’s OK to just be me, that I am worthy just as I am, today, “warts and all”. Only from that place, can I share my true, authentic self with the world, see and hear divine guidance, take inspired action and step into being considerably HUGE!

So what do I mean by “inner work”?

For me, “inner work” is the practice of connecting to my spirit, my soul, my self in whatever way works for me.  My wellness practices gently lead me through my inner work that is slowly healing my heart.

Ellen Meredith, author of Listening In: Dialogues with the Wiser Self, confirms that many of us have a tendency to get cut off from spiritual nurturing, and to obscure that “small still voice” within which can guide us. “There is no reason why your spiritual “practice” needs to be separate from the rest of your life”, she says.

“There is no rule that says you must sit apart in pious reflection and prayer for several hours a day. In fact, the more you find ways to let the activities you do naturally resonate for you, the more likely you are to have a dynamic spiritual practice.”

My practice, or the method by which I complete my “inner work”, includes these four principle components:

1. Wisdom Walks

2. Affirmative Reading

3. Daily Journaling

4. Support from a mentor/coach/group

These simple practices are integrated now into my every day existence. They don’t take a huge amount of time or specialty equipment and they can be done without a lot of expense.

Wisdom Walks: Most spiritual guides incorporate some form of physical exercise into their plans for enlightenment. In addition to the health benefits, Wisdom Walks provide a time for me to connect with the power of nature and a reminder that I am grounded in source energy. Long before I grew comfortable writing in a journal, I began walking by myself on the beach, sharing my thoughts with the God of my choosing and asking for guidance.

“By the power of the wind, the waves and the sea, “ I called. “God, please grant me clarity”.

I gathered treasures…symbols of my search for self and gifts from a God I was desperate to know.

And as I gained strength in the quiet of my aloneness, I began to hear and feel guidance.

Find a place to walk where you can engage all of your senses. Walk alone. Talk to your God. Gather treasures. Ask for guidance. Listen, and you will receive.

“Like an ability or a muscle, hearing your inner wisdom is strengthened by doing it.”  — Robbie Gass

Recommended frequency: Daily. 15 – 30 minutes.

Affirmative Reading:

For years now, I have begun my day with a simple reading. These readings come from daily meditation books like “The Language of Letting Go” and “Journey to the Heart”, by Melody Beattie, “Meditations for Women Who Do Too Much”, by Anne Wilson Schaef, and “Living Juicy- Daily Morsels for your Creative Soul”, by SARK, or from affirmation cards like Louise Hay’s “Power Thought Cards”.

Borrow one from a friend. See if it feels right for you, and then diligently read it each and every day. Over and over.

Buried under all of the negative messaging you have learned to believe is a quiet voice wanting to be heard. It is just waiting for you to re-discover the language of self love you knew as a child.

In the beginning, affirmations were my primer for re-learning this new language. Now, in a world full of negative messaging, affirmations serve to remind me to live in love first.

Recommended frequency: Daily as needed.

Journaling:

As I became more comfortable with my new voice, I learned to write it down. Most call it journaling. Sandy Grason, in her book of the same name, called it a “Journalution”. Julia Cameron, author of The Artist’s Way, recommends writing “Morning Pages”, and Heather Dominick, EnergyRich Success Coach, describes “Scripting” her days.

In the beginning, I couldn’t write my thoughts— it made me feel too vulnerable and that was too scary.  Now I know that this is the only way I found myself again.

Putting my voice on paper made it real and personal. Putting my voice on paper gave it power. Putting my voice on paper helped me to clarify the thoughts that became my guide to inspired action. Putting my voice on paper gave me the confidence to reach out to you.

And, most importantly, putting my thoughts on paper continues to help me to move through fear, doubt and negativity, when they show up.

Julia Cameron says she writes Morning Pages to “get to the other side: the other side of fear, of our negativity, of our moods. Above all, they get us beyond our Censor.”

Find a book and a pen or pencil that feels good. Keep it in a safe place. Reach for it often, and begin without judgment. Just write. Even if you write “I don’t know what to write today”, begin the practice, and you will find comfort.

Recommended frequency:  Daily. 15 minutes – 45 minutes.

Support from a coach/mentor/support group:

As my thoughts became clearer, and that “small, still voice” within began to speak louder, having a coach/mentor or support group nearby provided me a filter that led me toward greater and faster clarity. I learned I was not alone.

Napolean Hill, author of “Think and Grow Rich” first introduced us to the power of the “mastermind” group, where individuals gathered to support each other, and the strength of the group could be counted on to “up level” each of the participants. It is here that you can find the strength and support to turn inspiration into action.

Coaches of all specialties are available in every location and even remotely via teleclass and webinar. I have chosen to make coaching a part of my new work. And low or no cost support groups, facilitated by volunteers, are available through most community centers and hospitals.

Find a friend who attends a regular 12 step meeting and go with her. Many of them are available for “clean” addictions (non drug or alcohol related), like CoDa, which focuses on relationships and self-love. A small donation, $1 or $2, if you are able, is all that is expected here.

Even if one-on-one coaching may seem out of your budget today, you can begin to experience the support in groups that usually have minimal expense. Don’t be afraid to reach out if you hear a message that resonates with you. Borrow books, go to the library.

Trust that when you find a message that resonates with you, that is the message you are supposed to hear. Stop searching and allow yourself to become immersed in the support that the message will bring.

For a long time, I continued to be so frightened by the awareness that I was gaining from the support of my chosen mentors that I kept running from group to group, keeping myself busy and distracted. As a result, my journey has been much longer than it needed to be.

Do the work without judgment. Be conscious of choosing friends who will encourage you to do the work, not just talk about it–  over time, you will begin to know the difference very clearly.

Recommended frequency:  Weekly at a minimum. More as needed.

And in all of these practices, there is one constant– simply, I’ve learned to pay attention with an open mind. I’ve learned to believe.

Set skepticism aside and allow these simple practices to connect you to your inner guidance. Nurture your soul by paying attention to the beauty of all that surrounds you.

Slow down. Get off the treadmill. Make the choice to discard everything that distracts you from paying attention to your true voice.

In The Artist’s Way, Julia Cameron writes:

“The quality of life is in proportion, always, to the capacity for delight. The capacity for delight is the gift of paying attention. The reward for attention is always healing.”

Taking Simple Steps to Improve Your Self-Care

A week ago I began to jot down a list of the “must do” things I consider to be part of my necessary practice of self-care. I quickly came up with 10 items. And as I looked at the list, I immediately asked myself the question, “If I had to pick one of those things to do for myself that I couldn’t live without, which one would it be?”

That’s a really tough question for me. They are all so important to helping me stay physically and emotionally well that I don’t think I could live without any of them.
Certainly, though, when I get really honest with myself, I am more focused and disciplined in some areas than I am in others.

And as I allowed my thoughts to wander, I was drawn to the question “if I polled varying groups of women, how would they rate these items in level of importance to them?”. That was followed by, “could I discover the 5 Most Important Self-Care Practices?”.

So I gathered up my list, and sent it out to a few women as a test, and I was surprised that I didn’t get any stand out answers. Every woman said something different! The best part is that what they did say is that the simple act of thinking about their self-care practices made them realize they needed to shift some energy in that direction.

And better yet, one woman rated her list with what she wanted her priorities to be, and what she thought they currently were and wrote in that she was surprised and enlightened by seeing her gaps on paper.

So, if you want to give it a try, I’ve included the list below. Rate each item with the number 1 – 10, with each item receiving a unique value, and 1 being the most important to you, and 10 being the least. Don’t use any number more than once.

Meditation/Prayer

Journalling/Scripting

Exercise

Eating Well

Affirmative Reading

Group Support

Mentor/Coach Support

Resting/Sleeping Well

Maintaining a nurturing environment

Participating in a creative process (painting, singing, writing, cooking)

Feel free to add your own if I missed something.

Honestly, are you giving your priority items your full attention? Are you truly practicing self-care? I know the past two weeks I have not been — and boy, do I feel it. And though I generally do a good job of staying on track with my journaling, affirmative reading and group and coach support, I still have not found my rhythym with eating well and exercising consistently. Writing up this little exercise made it obvious to me that I need to direct some energy to those areas.

What practices are the most important to you? Please share your thoughts with me. Post a comment on this blog, or comment on my Facebook page at http://companies.to/wisewellwomen. I’ll be compiling and share the total results here, too.

So, today I commit to making exercise and eating well an integral part of my self-care practice. I’m not sure yet what that’s going to look like or how I’m going to do it, but I know I’ll get there.

Will you join me?

 

How Will I Know I’ve Had a Great Year?

It’s December 14th, and painfully close to the end of 2008. For most purposes, business will come to a close for the year by the end of next week, leaving us 10 days of reflection before the New Year…

And if you’re like me, you’ve already started, and hopefully, nearly finished, planning for 2009. But have you stopped to take inventory of the past 12 months of your life? When you sit to reflect, what measurements are you using to answer the question:

How will I know I’ve had a great year?

This week I heard Nell Merlino, from Count Me In, Make Mine a Million$$ Business, share what should be obvious– the most significant common trait amongst all of the women business owners who reach the million $$ goal is that they have a goal.

Sounds simple, doesn’t it? And the goal doesn’t have to be huge, complex or particularly strategic– you just have to have one. And it has to be specific.

So, if your goal is to “increase my customers”, ask yourself, how many customers do you expect to increase in each month?

Or if you want to “make more money”, how much do you want to make, really? Is more $10, or $100,000?

Or if you want to spend more time with your family- what does that look like? One day a week, or one more hour per day?

For 20 years I’ve completed countless business plans, marketing plans and budgets for the companies I represented, and set lots of goals for the business and my teams, but I never did my own personal goal setting. When interviewers asked that infamous question, “where do you see yourself in the next 5 years” I was paralyzed…

It’s no secret that I created my first vision board in my WomenThatWin MastHERmind class in October 2007. I know now that I never gave myself permission to want something badly enough to put it on paper, for fear that I’d be disappointed.

With that old self defeating “stuff” behind me, this year I have the pleasure of completing an assessment of my success on my terms because I am finally able to allow myself to want something, know that I deserve to achieve it, and that I will achieve it if I set a goal to get there.

And I know I’ve had a great year!

I know because my goals are there in big, bold colors on two vision boards– one that guided me through the clarity of my personal goals, the “release” of my job, and a trip of a lifetime, and one that charts the course of Wise Well Women toward new creativity, work-life balance and prosperity today and into 2009.

How will I know I’ve had a great year? Because I’ll be celebrating!

Thanks to Sandy Grason, author of Journalution, and “Mastermind to Manifest”, I know that the most important part of my end of year assessment is to celebrate all what I’ve accomplished– no matter how small.

I intend to give myself some credit for a wonderful year. How ’bout you?

So my 10 days of reflection will be spent journaling about every little thing that I’ve done in 2008– making a huge, long, list of all the stuff that has made up this miraculous year. And I’ll be adding to my goals for 2009 along the way.

What will you be celebrating?

Share it with me– and then we’ll all know you’ve had great year!

In the spirit of wisdom, wellness and prosperity,
I send you wishes of a holiday season filled with joy–
Nanette

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I support passionate, forward thinking entrepreneurs who want to embrace the “business” of their business rather than fear it, and as a result of our time together they effectively use simple tools to measure, manage and project their growth, free to focus on doing what they love! For more info visit www.wisewellwomen.com