Confessions of a Stress Junkie

Posted by Nanette Saylor on February 21, 2010 · Leave a Comment 

Confessions of a “Stress Junkie”
In the week that I was preparing this first newsletter, I was inspired by my  mastermind group, hearing in the voices of some of my group members the same anxious and stressed tone that had become such a familiar pattern.
I am a recovering “stress and adrenaline junkie”.
Here’s what “I know for sure” (if Oprah were to ever ask me…):
That my energy and natural ability to handle and “control” large projects, multi-layered strategies, emergency situations, and rapidly changing environments was a complete cover-up for a deep, deep wound I call a “hole in my heart”.
I attached my value to the fact that I was able to handle stress with grace and
ease. I was proud to say I had worked in organizations that no one else would
put up with, or for difficult people, or in a 24/7 industry during very stressful times. That was my strength, my special skill– it was how I defined who I was. And I craved those environments to feel good about myself. When I wasn’t “crazy busy”, my ego mind would push me into creating more chaos.
When my “down on my knees” moment came, I was overcome with a true knowing that there is a power greater than me. In a moment, I surrendered my will and my life over to the care of that power (and I wasn’t even sure who/what that was!).
So I started to give up some of the “doings”. That meant I was giving up the
thing that I had gathered all my value from. And, with no “doings” and
“controllings” to cover up the hole in my heart, what was in there started
bubbling up. And when it did, my ego mind would try to drag me back into more “doings” so I could generate some more false self-worth and cover up the hole.
Sometimes ego still wins. But mostly, the hole is exposed now…
And I like it that way.
That’s where the value of “inner work” really shows itself to me. My wellness
practices support healing that hole in my heart.
From that place I’ve learned that it’s OK to just be me, that I am worthy just as I am, today, “warts and all”. Only from that place, can I share my true, authentic self with the world, see and hear divine guidance, take inspired action and step into being considerably HUGE!
So what do I mean by “inner work”?
For me, “inner work” is the practice of connecting to my spirit, my soul, my self in whatever way works for me.  My wellness practices gently lead me through my inner work that is slowly healing my heart.
Ellen Meredith, author of Listening In: Dialogues with the Wiser Self, confirms that many of us have a tendency to get cut off from spiritual nurturing, and to obscure that “small still voice” within which can guide us. “There is no reason why your spiritual “practice” needs to be separate from the rest of your life”, she says.
“There is no rule that says you must sit apart in pious reflection and prayer for several hours a day. In fact, the more you find ways to let the activities you do naturally resonate for you, the more likely you are to have a dynamic spiritual practice.”
My practice, or the method by which I complete my “inner work”, includes these four principle components:
1. Wisdom Walks
2. Affirmative Reading
3. Daily Journaling
4. Support from a mentor/coach/group
These simple practices are integrated now into my every day existence. They don’t take a huge amount of time or specialty equipment and they can be done without a lot of expense.
Wisdom Walks: Most spiritual guides incorporate some form of physical exercise into their plans for enlightenment. In addition to the health benefits, Wisdom Walks provide a time for me to connect with the power of nature and a reminder that I am grounded in source energy. Long before I grew comfortable writing in a journal, I began walking by myself on the beach, sharing my thoughts with the God of my choosing and asking for guidance.
“By the power of the wind, the waves and the sea, “ I called. “God, please grant me clarity”.
I gathered treasures…symbols of my search for self and gifts from a God I was desperate to know.
And as I gained strength in the quiet of my aloneness, I began to hear and feel guidance.
Find a place to walk where you can engage all of your senses. Walk alone. Talk to your God. Gather treasures. Ask for guidance. Listen, and you will receive.
“Like an ability or a muscle, hearing your inner wisdom is strengthened by doing it.”  — Robbie Gass
Recommended frequency: Daily. 15 – 30 minutes.
Affirmative Reading:
For years now, I have begun my day with a simple reading. These readings come from daily meditation books like “The Language of Letting Go” and “Journey to the Heart”, by Melody Beattie, “Meditations for Women Who Do Too Much”, by Anne Wilson Schaef, and “Living Juicy- Daily Morsels for your Creative Soul”, by SARK, or from affirmation cards like Louise Hay’s “Power Thought Cards”.
Borrow one from a friend. See if it feels right for you, and then diligently read it each and every day. Over and over.
Buried under all of the negative messaging you have learned to believe is a quiet voice wanting to be heard. It is just waiting for you to re-discover the language of self love you knew as a child.
In the beginning, affirmations were my primer for re-learning this new language. Now, in a world full of negative messaging, affirmations serve to remind me to live in love first.
Recommended frequency: Daily as needed.
Journaling:
As I became more comfortable with my new voice, I learned to write it down. Most call it journaling. Sandy Grason, in her book of the same name, called it a “Journalution”. Julia Cameron, author of The Artist’s Way, recommends writing “Morning Pages”, and Heather Dominick, EnergyRich Success Coach, describes “Scripting” her days.
In the beginning, I couldn’t write my thoughts— it made me feel too vulnerable and that was too scary.  Now I know that this is the only way I found myself again.
Putting my voice on paper made it real and personal. Putting my voice on paper gave it power. Putting my voice on paper helped me to clarify the thoughts that became my guide to inspired action. Putting my voice on paper gave me the confidence to reach out to you.
And, most importantly, putting my thoughts on paper continues to help me to move through fear, doubt and negativity, when they show up.
Julia Cameron says she writes Morning Pages to “get to the other side: the other side of fear, of our negativity, of our moods. Above all, they get us beyond our Censor.”
Find a book and a pen or pencil that feels good. Keep it in a safe place. Reach for it often, and begin without judgment. Just write. Even if you write “I don’t know what to write today”, begin the practice, and you will find comfort.
Recommended frequency:  Daily. 15 minutes – 45 minutes.
Support from a coach/mentor/support group:
As my thoughts became clearer, and that “small, still voice” within began to speak louder, having a coach/mentor or support group nearby provided me a filter that led me toward greater and faster clarity. I learned I was not alone.
Napolean Hill, author of “Think and Grow Rich” first introduced us to the power of the “mastermind” group, where individuals gathered to support each other, and the strength of the group could be counted on to “up level” each of the participants. It is here that you can find the strength and support to turn inspiration into action.
Coaches of all specialties are available in every location and even remotely via teleclass and webinar. And low or no cost support groups, facilitated by volunteers, are available through most community centers and hospitals.
Find a friend who attends a regular 12 step meeting and go with her. Many of them are available for “clean” addictions (non drug or alcohol related), like CoDa, which focuses on relationships and self-love. A small donation, $1 or $2, if you are able, is all that is expected here.
Even if one-on- one coaching may seem out of your budget today, you can begin to experience the support in groups that usually have minimal expense. Don’t be afraid to reach out if you hear a message that resonates with you. Borrow books, go to the library.
Trust that when you find a message that resonates with you, that is the message you are supposed to hear. Stop searching and allow yourself to become immersed in the support that the message will bring.
For a long time, I continued to be so frightened by the awareness that I was gaining from the support of my chosen mentors that I kept running from group to group, keeping myself busy and distracted. As a result, my journey has been much longer than it needed to be.
Do the work without judgment. Be conscious of choosing friends who will encourage you to do the work, not just talk about it–  over time, you will begin to know the difference very clearly.
Recommended frequency:  Weekly at a minimum.
And in all of these practices, there is one constant– simply, I’ve learned to pay attention with an open mind. I’ve learned to believe.
Set skepticism aside and allow these simple practices to connect you to your inner guidance. Nurture your soul by paying attention to the beauty of all that surrounds you.
Slow down. Get off the treadmill. Make the choice to discard everything that distracts you from paying attention to your true voice.
In The Artist’s Way, Julia Cameron writes:
“The quality of life is in proportion, always, to the capacity for delight. The capacity for delight is the gift of paying attention.
The reward for attention is always healing.”

Note to readers: Reaching out to support a friend this week, I referenced this article, and suggested she check it out on my blog. When I went looking for it, I couldn’t find it. So, here it is again. My apologies if you’ve already read this one…but it bears repeating for me sometimes, too.

The week I was preparing for my first newsletter last September, I was inspired by my MM group, hearing in the voices of the members the same anxious and stressed tone that had become such a familiar pattern for me. I heard the voice of my previous identity.

I am a recovering “stress and adrenaline junkie”.

You see, here’s what “I know for sure” (if Oprah were to ever ask me…):

My energy and natural ability to handle and “control” large projects, multi-layered strategies, emergency situations, and rapidly changing environments was a complete cover-up for a deep, deep wound I call a “hole in my heart”.

I attached my value to the fact that I was able to handle stress with grace and ease. I was proud to say I had worked in organizations that no one else would put up with, or for difficult people, or in a 24/7 industry during very stressful times. That was my strength, my special skill– it was how I defined who I was. And I craved those environments to feel good about myself. When I wasn’t “crazy busy”, my ego mind would push me into creating more chaos.

When my “down on my knees” moment came, I was overcome with a true knowing that there is a power greater than me. In a moment, I surrendered my will and my life over to the care of that power (and I wasn’t even sure who/what that was!).

So I started to give up some of the “doings”. That meant I was giving up the thing that I had gathered all my value from. And, with no “doings” and “control-ings” to cover up the hole in my heart, what was in there started bubbling up. And when it did, my ego mind would try to drag me back into more “doings” so I could generate some more false self-worth and cover up the hole.

Sometimes ego still wins. But mostly, the hole is exposed now…

And I like it that way.

That’s where the value of “inner work” really shows itself to me. My wellness practices support healing that hole in my heart.

From that place I’ve learned that it’s OK to just be me, that I am worthy just as I am, today, “warts and all”. Only from that place, can I share my true, authentic self with the world, see and hear divine guidance, take inspired action and step into being considerably HUGE!

So what do I mean by “inner work”?

For me, “inner work” is the practice of connecting to my spirit, my soul, my self in whatever way works for me.  My wellness practices gently lead me through my inner work that is slowly healing my heart.

Ellen Meredith, author of Listening In: Dialogues with the Wiser Self, confirms that many of us have a tendency to get cut off from spiritual nurturing, and to obscure that “small still voice” within which can guide us. “There is no reason why your spiritual “practice” needs to be separate from the rest of your life”, she says.

“There is no rule that says you must sit apart in pious reflection and prayer for several hours a day. In fact, the more you find ways to let the activities you do naturally resonate for you, the more likely you are to have a dynamic spiritual practice.”

My practice, or the method by which I complete my “inner work”, includes these four principle components:

1. Wisdom Walks

2. Affirmative Reading

3. Daily Journaling

4. Support from a mentor/coach/group

These simple practices are integrated now into my every day existence. They don’t take a huge amount of time or specialty equipment and they can be done without a lot of expense.

Wisdom Walks: Most spiritual guides incorporate some form of physical exercise into their plans for enlightenment. In addition to the health benefits, Wisdom Walks provide a time for me to connect with the power of nature and a reminder that I am grounded in source energy. Long before I grew comfortable writing in a journal, I began walking by myself on the beach, sharing my thoughts with the God of my choosing and asking for guidance.

“By the power of the wind, the waves and the sea, “ I called. “God, please grant me clarity”.

I gathered treasures…symbols of my search for self and gifts from a God I was desperate to know.

And as I gained strength in the quiet of my aloneness, I began to hear and feel guidance.

Find a place to walk where you can engage all of your senses. Walk alone. Talk to your God. Gather treasures. Ask for guidance. Listen, and you will receive.

“Like an ability or a muscle, hearing your inner wisdom is strengthened by doing it.”  — Robbie Gass

Recommended frequency: Daily. 15 – 30 minutes.

Affirmative Reading:

For years now, I have begun my day with a simple reading. These readings come from daily meditation books like “The Language of Letting Go” and “Journey to the Heart”, by Melody Beattie, “Meditations for Women Who Do Too Much”, by Anne Wilson Schaef, and “Living Juicy- Daily Morsels for your Creative Soul”, by SARK, or from affirmation cards like Louise Hay’s “Power Thought Cards”.

Borrow one from a friend. See if it feels right for you, and then diligently read it each and every day. Over and over.

Buried under all of the negative messaging you have learned to believe is a quiet voice wanting to be heard. It is just waiting for you to re-discover the language of self love you knew as a child.

In the beginning, affirmations were my primer for re-learning this new language. Now, in a world full of negative messaging, affirmations serve to remind me to live in love first.

Recommended frequency: Daily as needed.

Journaling:

As I became more comfortable with my new voice, I learned to write it down. Most call it journaling. Sandy Grason, in her book of the same name, called it a “Journalution”. Julia Cameron, author of The Artist’s Way, recommends writing “Morning Pages”, and Heather Dominick, EnergyRich Success Coach, describes “Scripting” her days.

In the beginning, I couldn’t write my thoughts— it made me feel too vulnerable and that was too scary.  Now I know that this is the only way I found myself again.

Putting my voice on paper made it real and personal. Putting my voice on paper gave it power. Putting my voice on paper helped me to clarify the thoughts that became my guide to inspired action. Putting my voice on paper gave me the confidence to reach out to you.

And, most importantly, putting my thoughts on paper continues to help me to move through fear, doubt and negativity, when they show up.

Julia Cameron says she writes Morning Pages to “get to the other side: the other side of fear, of our negativity, of our moods. Above all, they get us beyond our Censor.”

Find a book and a pen or pencil that feels good. Keep it in a safe place. Reach for it often, and begin without judgment. Just write. Even if you write “I don’t know what to write today”, begin the practice, and you will find comfort.

Recommended frequency:  Daily. 15 minutes – 45 minutes.

Support from a coach/mentor/support group:

As my thoughts became clearer, and that “small, still voice” within began to speak louder, having a coach/mentor or support group nearby provided me a filter that led me toward greater and faster clarity. I learned I was not alone.

Napolean Hill, author of “Think and Grow Rich” first introduced us to the power of the “mastermind” group, where individuals gathered to support each other, and the strength of the group could be counted on to “up level” each of the participants. It is here that you can find the strength and support to turn inspiration into action.

Coaches of all specialties are available in every location and even remotely via teleclass and webinar. I have chosen to make coaching a part of my new work. And low or no cost support groups, facilitated by volunteers, are available through most community centers and hospitals.

Find a friend who attends a regular 12 step meeting and go with her. Many of them are available for “clean” addictions (non drug or alcohol related), like CoDa, which focuses on relationships and self-love. A small donation, $1 or $2, if you are able, is all that is expected here.

Even if one-on-one coaching may seem out of your budget today, you can begin to experience the support in groups that usually have minimal expense. Don’t be afraid to reach out if you hear a message that resonates with you. Borrow books, go to the library.

Trust that when you find a message that resonates with you, that is the message you are supposed to hear. Stop searching and allow yourself to become immersed in the support that the message will bring.

For a long time, I continued to be so frightened by the awareness that I was gaining from the support of my chosen mentors that I kept running from group to group, keeping myself busy and distracted. As a result, my journey has been much longer than it needed to be.

Do the work without judgment. Be conscious of choosing friends who will encourage you to do the work, not just talk about it–  over time, you will begin to know the difference very clearly.

Recommended frequency:  Weekly at a minimum. More as needed.

And in all of these practices, there is one constant– simply, I’ve learned to pay attention with an open mind. I’ve learned to believe.

Set skepticism aside and allow these simple practices to connect you to your inner guidance. Nurture your soul by paying attention to the beauty of all that surrounds you.

Slow down. Get off the treadmill. Make the choice to discard everything that distracts you from paying attention to your true voice.

In The Artist’s Way, Julia Cameron writes:

“The quality of life is in proportion, always, to the capacity for delight. The capacity for delight is the gift of paying attention. The reward for attention is always healing.”

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Taking Simple Steps to Improve Your Self-Care

Posted by Nanette Saylor on September 24, 2009 · Leave a Comment 

A week ago I began to jot down a list of the “must do” things I consider to be part of my necessary practice of self-care. I quickly came up with 10 items. And as I looked at the list, I immediately asked myself the question, “If I had to pick one of those things to do for myself that I couldn’t live without, which one would it be?”

That’s a really tough question for me. They are all so important to helping me stay physically and emotionally well that I don’t think I could live without any of them.
Certainly, though, when I get really honest with myself, I am more focused and disciplined in some areas than I am in others.

And as I allowed my thoughts to wander, I was drawn to the question “if I polled varying groups of women, how would they rate these items in level of importance to them?”. That was followed by, “could I discover the 5 Most Important Self-Care Practices?”.

So I gathered up my list, and sent it out to a few women as a test, and I was surprised that I didn’t get any stand out answers. Every woman said something different! The best part is that what they did say is that the simple act of thinking about their self-care practices made them realize they needed to shift some energy in that direction.

And better yet, one woman rated her list with what she wanted her priorities to be, and what she thought they currently were and wrote in that she was surprised and enlightened by seeing her gaps on paper.

So, if you want to give it a try, I’ve included the list below. Rate each item with the number 1 – 10, with each item receiving a unique value, and 1 being the most important to you, and 10 being the least. Don’t use any number more than once.

Meditation/Prayer

Journalling/Scripting

Exercise

Eating Well

Affirmative Reading

Group Support

Mentor/Coach Support

Resting/Sleeping Well

Maintaining a nurturing environment

Participating in a creative process (painting, singing, writing, cooking)

Feel free to add your own if I missed something.

Honestly, are you giving your priority items your full attention? Are you truly practicing self-care? I know the past two weeks I have not been — and boy, do I feel it. And though I generally do a good job of staying on track with my journaling, affirmative reading and group and coach support, I still have not found my rhythym with eating well and exercising consistently. Writing up this little exercise made it obvious to me that I need to direct some energy to those areas.

What practices are the most important to you? Please share your thoughts with me. Post a comment on this blog, or comment on my Facebook page at http://companies.to/wisewellwomen. I’ll be compiling and share the total results here, too.

So, today I commit to making exercise and eating well an integral part of my self-care practice. I’m not sure yet what that’s going to look like or how I’m going to do it, but I know I’ll get there.

Will you join me?

 

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The Holiday Season is a Time For…

Posted by Nanette Saylor on December 24, 2008 · Leave a Comment 

I’ve been thinking about this blog post all week, and was struggling to find the “perfect” and “profound” thing to share…

Note to self: I vowed to eliminate the word “struggle” from my vocabulary this year– guess I haven’t quite succeeded yet… Reminder: effortless is my theme of this new year

…then, as I was clearing my emails this morning, I received a newsletter titled “The Top 10 Holiday “Shoulds” (and Permission to Just Breathe and Let them Go)” from Christine Kane, an artist and creativity consultant.

Instantly, I knew that even though I should come up with something of my own, I had found my answer, her newsletter is the perfect words of wisdom to share today.

And it’s the perfect reminder for me to take a long, deep, breathe, and remember that the holiday season is a time to connect…

…not to things… but to friends, family, lovers and strangers, and mostly, to ourselves.

For me, the holiday season is a time for celebration of life, love and light, and for renewal and re-birth. Nothing else really matters, does it?

So enjoy Christine’s words– I couldn’t have said it better– and if you haven’t already done your journalling for the day, ask yourself the question…what is the holiday season a time for to you?

**********************

The Top 10 Holiday “Shoulds” (and Permission to Just Breathe and Let them Go)
Do you know the “shoulds?” Those voices that occasionally creep around your head telling you that things aren’t as good as they could be and that everything would be better if you behaved well?

Yea?

Well, you’re not alone. We all go there from time to time. Some of us spend our every waking moment “shoulding” on ourselves!

In the coaching/mentoring work I do, I know one thing to be true about this time of year:

The Holiday Shoulds are a special breed of Should. The Holiday Shoulds are loud and insidious. If you’re not conscious, they can make you believe that they’re a rational way to think.

After all, during the holidays, people become almost hypnotized into believing that every moment should be a certain way, that every yard should look a certain way, that every family should behave a certain way – and that it’s okay to beat themselves up for their own preferences or for not keeping up with the imaginary standard.

Here’s a list of the Top Ten Holiday Shoulds, along with a thought or two about simply letting them go, and delighting in this moment. In the words of Byron Katie: “When I argue with What Is, I lose. But only 100% of the time.”

1 – I should have a new outfit to wear to the Christmas party!

Last year’s outfit is fine. Your shiny happy self tells a brighter story than something you bought at a store.

2 – I should have done hand-made Christmas cards! (Or, I should’ve done Christmas Cards at all!)

Relax. If you had time to delight in making cards, that would be great. But it’s okay that you didn’t. And as for not sending cards, you can send them out next year. (Or, be like my brother’s family and send out Valentine Cards instead!)

3 – My kids/parents should behave differently!

Everyone is doing the best they can. What would happen if you simply accepted each person’s path and choices – and let them be exactly where they are?

4 – I should’ve bought more expensive presents!

When gifting becomes about competition or keeping up, then it just drains you. Take a moment to remember who you are and how you want to love the people in your life. Nothing beats authenticity.

5 – I should go out and buy more [insert useless consumer good or processed food here.]

When you nervously become a consumer for no reason, challenge yourself to sit down, listen, and experience the emptiness. You might find that it’s actually quite peaceful in there!

6 – I should’ve lost weight this year!

Become a champion of yourself. Make a list of five great things you accomplished this year, and let go of those things you didn’t. You can revisit them in January.

7 – The Holidays should look more like the pretty scenes in a snow globe or on Christmas specials!

The cool thing about snow globes and such is the happy feeling they create inside of you. Instead of thinking everything should make you feel that way, try to capture the feeling you get from those things – and then carry that feeling to each moment in your life. I call this Positive Daydreaming.

8 – I should’ve made [Insert time-consuming baked good featured in Martha Stewart Magazine]!

See #5. And remember that Martha Stewart has a very large staff. And that there’s rarely a shortage of sugary baked items during the holidays.

9 – My house should have better decorations!

See #8. And go take a nap.

10 – I should make better scrapbook pages after the holidays!

Doing good scrapbooks does not make you a good mother, sister, daughter or friend. Doing good scrapbooks makes you someone who has time to scrapbook. If you use photo-boxes or boring albums, you’re still a wonderful human, and we’ll all still love you.

**BONUS SHOULD**
11 – It should be The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Christmas is lovely with all of its twinkle lights and confectionary goodies, AND there are many wonderful times each year. (I happen to love each and every time I hike in the woods, no matter what time of year it is!)

Wonderful is about your delight and how you feel on the inside. When you let go of what is not authentic delight for you, then you might be surprised at how simple the holidays become. You might find that wonderful is right here in this very moment.
________________________________________

Performer, songwriter, and creativity consultant Christine Kane publishes her ‘LiveCreative’ weekly ezine with more than 4,000 subscribers. If you want to be the artist of your life and create authentic and lasting success, you can sign up for a FRE*E subscription to LiveCreative at www.christinekane.com.

WANT TO SEE HUNDREDS MORE ARTICLES LIKE THIS ONE?
See Christine’s blog – Be Creative. Be Conscious. Be Courageous – at ChristineKane.com/blog.

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