Confessions of a Stress Junkie

Note to readers: Reaching out to support a friend this week, I referenced this article, and suggested she check it out on my blog. When I went looking for it, I couldn’t find it. So, here it is again. My apologies if you’ve already read this one…but it bears repeating for me sometimes, too.

The week I was preparing for my first newsletter last September, I was inspired by my MM group, hearing in the voices of the members the same anxious and stressed tone that had become such a familiar pattern for me. I heard the voice of my previous identity.

I am a recovering “stress and adrenaline junkie”.

You see, here’s what “I know for sure” (if Oprah were to ever ask me…):

My energy and natural ability to handle and “control” large projects, multi-layered strategies, emergency situations, and rapidly changing environments was a complete cover-up for a deep, deep wound I call a “hole in my heart”.

I attached my value to the fact that I was able to handle stress with grace and ease. I was proud to say I had worked in organizations that no one else would put up with, or for difficult people, or in a 24/7 industry during very stressful times. That was my strength, my special skill– it was how I defined who I was. And I craved those environments to feel good about myself. When I wasn’t “crazy busy”, my ego mind would push me into creating more chaos.

When my “down on my knees” moment came, I was overcome with a true knowing that there is a power greater than me. In a moment, I surrendered my will and my life over to the care of that power (and I wasn’t even sure who/what that was!).

So I started to give up some of the “doings”. That meant I was giving up the thing that I had gathered all my value from. And, with no “doings” and “control-ings” to cover up the hole in my heart, what was in there started bubbling up. And when it did, my ego mind would try to drag me back into more “doings” so I could generate some more false self-worth and cover up the hole.

Sometimes ego still wins. But mostly, the hole is exposed now…

And I like it that way.

That’s where the value of “inner work” really shows itself to me. My wellness practices support healing that hole in my heart.

From that place I’ve learned that it’s OK to just be me, that I am worthy just as I am, today, “warts and all”. Only from that place, can I share my true, authentic self with the world, see and hear divine guidance, take inspired action and step into being considerably HUGE!

So what do I mean by “inner work”?

For me, “inner work” is the practice of connecting to my spirit, my soul, my self in whatever way works for me.  My wellness practices gently lead me through my inner work that is slowly healing my heart.

Ellen Meredith, author of Listening In: Dialogues with the Wiser Self, confirms that many of us have a tendency to get cut off from spiritual nurturing, and to obscure that “small still voice” within which can guide us. “There is no reason why your spiritual “practice” needs to be separate from the rest of your life”, she says.

“There is no rule that says you must sit apart in pious reflection and prayer for several hours a day. In fact, the more you find ways to let the activities you do naturally resonate for you, the more likely you are to have a dynamic spiritual practice.”

My practice, or the method by which I complete my “inner work”, includes these four principle components:

1. Wisdom Walks

2. Affirmative Reading

3. Daily Journaling

4. Support from a mentor/coach/group

These simple practices are integrated now into my every day existence. They don’t take a huge amount of time or specialty equipment and they can be done without a lot of expense.

Wisdom Walks: Most spiritual guides incorporate some form of physical exercise into their plans for enlightenment. In addition to the health benefits, Wisdom Walks provide a time for me to connect with the power of nature and a reminder that I am grounded in source energy. Long before I grew comfortable writing in a journal, I began walking by myself on the beach, sharing my thoughts with the God of my choosing and asking for guidance.

“By the power of the wind, the waves and the sea, “ I called. “God, please grant me clarity”.

I gathered treasures…symbols of my search for self and gifts from a God I was desperate to know.

And as I gained strength in the quiet of my aloneness, I began to hear and feel guidance.

Find a place to walk where you can engage all of your senses. Walk alone. Talk to your God. Gather treasures. Ask for guidance. Listen, and you will receive.

“Like an ability or a muscle, hearing your inner wisdom is strengthened by doing it.”  — Robbie Gass

Recommended frequency: Daily. 15 – 30 minutes.

Affirmative Reading:

For years now, I have begun my day with a simple reading. These readings come from daily meditation books like “The Language of Letting Go” and “Journey to the Heart”, by Melody Beattie, “Meditations for Women Who Do Too Much”, by Anne Wilson Schaef, and “Living Juicy- Daily Morsels for your Creative Soul”, by SARK, or from affirmation cards like Louise Hay’s “Power Thought Cards”.

Borrow one from a friend. See if it feels right for you, and then diligently read it each and every day. Over and over.

Buried under all of the negative messaging you have learned to believe is a quiet voice wanting to be heard. It is just waiting for you to re-discover the language of self love you knew as a child.

In the beginning, affirmations were my primer for re-learning this new language. Now, in a world full of negative messaging, affirmations serve to remind me to live in love first.

Recommended frequency: Daily as needed.

Journaling:

As I became more comfortable with my new voice, I learned to write it down. Most call it journaling. Sandy Grason, in her book of the same name, called it a “Journalution”. Julia Cameron, author of The Artist’s Way, recommends writing “Morning Pages”, and Heather Dominick, EnergyRich Success Coach, describes “Scripting” her days.

In the beginning, I couldn’t write my thoughts— it made me feel too vulnerable and that was too scary.  Now I know that this is the only way I found myself again.

Putting my voice on paper made it real and personal. Putting my voice on paper gave it power. Putting my voice on paper helped me to clarify the thoughts that became my guide to inspired action. Putting my voice on paper gave me the confidence to reach out to you.

And, most importantly, putting my thoughts on paper continues to help me to move through fear, doubt and negativity, when they show up.

Julia Cameron says she writes Morning Pages to “get to the other side: the other side of fear, of our negativity, of our moods. Above all, they get us beyond our Censor.”

Find a book and a pen or pencil that feels good. Keep it in a safe place. Reach for it often, and begin without judgment. Just write. Even if you write “I don’t know what to write today”, begin the practice, and you will find comfort.

Recommended frequency:  Daily. 15 minutes – 45 minutes.

Support from a coach/mentor/support group:

As my thoughts became clearer, and that “small, still voice” within began to speak louder, having a coach/mentor or support group nearby provided me a filter that led me toward greater and faster clarity. I learned I was not alone.

Napolean Hill, author of “Think and Grow Rich” first introduced us to the power of the “mastermind” group, where individuals gathered to support each other, and the strength of the group could be counted on to “up level” each of the participants. It is here that you can find the strength and support to turn inspiration into action.

Coaches of all specialties are available in every location and even remotely via teleclass and webinar. I have chosen to make coaching a part of my new work. And low or no cost support groups, facilitated by volunteers, are available through most community centers and hospitals.

Find a friend who attends a regular 12 step meeting and go with her. Many of them are available for “clean” addictions (non drug or alcohol related), like CoDa, which focuses on relationships and self-love. A small donation, $1 or $2, if you are able, is all that is expected here.

Even if one-on-one coaching may seem out of your budget today, you can begin to experience the support in groups that usually have minimal expense. Don’t be afraid to reach out if you hear a message that resonates with you. Borrow books, go to the library.

Trust that when you find a message that resonates with you, that is the message you are supposed to hear. Stop searching and allow yourself to become immersed in the support that the message will bring.

For a long time, I continued to be so frightened by the awareness that I was gaining from the support of my chosen mentors that I kept running from group to group, keeping myself busy and distracted. As a result, my journey has been much longer than it needed to be.

Do the work without judgment. Be conscious of choosing friends who will encourage you to do the work, not just talk about it–  over time, you will begin to know the difference very clearly.

Recommended frequency:  Weekly at a minimum. More as needed.

And in all of these practices, there is one constant– simply, I’ve learned to pay attention with an open mind. I’ve learned to believe.

Set skepticism aside and allow these simple practices to connect you to your inner guidance. Nurture your soul by paying attention to the beauty of all that surrounds you.

Slow down. Get off the treadmill. Make the choice to discard everything that distracts you from paying attention to your true voice.

In The Artist’s Way, Julia Cameron writes:

“The quality of life is in proportion, always, to the capacity for delight. The capacity for delight is the gift of paying attention. The reward for attention is always healing.”

Letting Go of “Stuff”

I read author Daniel Pink’s comment in an Oprah interview and it really struck me– “An entire industry revolves around storing our excess stuff”. Wow!

Every other corner in South Florida has some sort of storage facility on it, where many of us who traded larger homes for a piece of paradise have put all that excess stuff. And some of us have kept it there for years! Particularly now, I just started to imagine how many families there are who have nothing who could use all of that perfectly good “stuff”…

The next day I picked up a “tweet” from a friend on “Letting Go” and I was reminded of my savior, Melody Beattie, and her book, “The Language of Letting Go”, the contents of which has helped me keep my sanity during some challenging years.

Why do we chose to hang on? What is the thing that makes it impossible for us to let go of old “stuff”?Whether we can touch it or we feel it, it’s still “stuff” we’re clinging to.

For each of us, the reasons are different, and I don’t have all the answers, but I do know, that when I declared to the world that I was going to begin to clear out my “stuff”, and I started getting rid of it, new possibilities emerged. And I’m certain that it’s that simple.

Have you ever raised guppies in a fish tank with your kids? Did you notice what happens when the fish multiply to the point of the tank being full? The fish stop reproducing! The environment can’t take on any more without harming that which exists already. So, if your environment is overflowing with stuff, and your mind is clinging to old beliefs and patterns, nothing new can be added. There just isn’t any room. Simple.

The good news is, there are plenty of wonderful ways to get rid of your “stuff”. And, trust me, if they are on my list, they had to be easy to do!

Here’s the secret, just get started.

It’s OK not to make this a monumental project—one box at a time will do. And yes, it takes time. This is not a weekend project. It took us years to collect all that “stuff”, so give yourself permission to take some time to get rid of it. I did.

Thrift Stores:
For ease of disposal, Goodwill is my national organization of choice. http://www.goodwill.org. If I decide today that I want to give something away, all I have to do is put it in my car and drive it 10 minutes away to drop it off. They are open 7 days per week. And I get a tax receipt, too. In my local area we have a great collection of drop off thrift stores that benefit a number of good causes, too.
http://www.groupcounseling.org/?page=Thrift-Store
http://www.jccthriftshop.org/
http://www.haven4kids.org/thrift_shops.html
For clearing out the garage of miscellaneous hardward and construction materials, there is no better solution than the Habit for Humanity Re-Stores. For a listing in your area visit www.habitat.org

Pick-up Donations:
AVDA (Aid to Victims of Domestic Abuse) will come to your house to pick up your discards, http://9pickup.com/as will most of the Veteran’s organizations. Call ahead to find out what they need.

And yes, you can donate a car even if it doesn’t run, and most of the processing companies will pay for the towing. Simply send them the title, and leave the keys somewhere for the towing company to find them.

Check with your charity of choice, most have a processing partnership that in handled completely online! Last year I came to terms with clearing my driveway of my quickly deteriorating 1987 Corvette by donating it to Habitat for Humanity through www.carsforhomes.org. They got cash, I got a tax deduction, and I turned lots of negative, blocked energy into a true feeling of goodness.

Giveaway websites:
If you haven’t discovered Freecycle.com, now is the time. Every area has a group. Login to become a member and start giving away your old “stuff”.
Craigslist.org works, too. Both of these require some effort on your part to coordinate pickups, etc., and I suggest setting up a pickup process that does protect some of your privacy.

Consignment:
I no longer have ballgowns in my closet, but if I did, I would consider consigning them. Every area has these great shops—search your local directories and ask for recommendations from friends for the best ones. http://consignmentshops.com/florida.html
You can even consign quality furniture. Some areas have specialty consignment shops, i.e. baby and children’s clothing and toys. When my daughter was little, I was a regular at these stores.

DressforSuccess.org:
How many business suits does one woman need? Or shoes? Or handbags? Or briefcases?
If you’re closet is overflowing, clear out some of the items you don’t wear and help a woman gain some dignity in the process. If you haven’t worn it in a year, give it away, and make room for some new energy! Visit www.dressforsuccess.org for collection offices and programs in your area.

Book Exchanges:
In my area we have quite a few options for those boxes of books you’ve been hanging on to. “Friends of the Library” is a favorite of mine. http://www.broward.org/library/bcl_friends.htm
Most libraries have a used book sale section that is filled with books donated by people like you and me. And most of the thrift stores take them, too. A word of caution, here, do make sure that they want the books you are donating, or they may end up in the landfill.

Creative Re-Use Centers:
In a few places across the country, a new donation center concept is emerging. Here in South Florida, we have www.trash2treasurefl.org in Ft. Lauderdale and in West Palm Beach, www.resourcedepot.org. These centers accept “clean scrap” donations of anything that can be re-purposed in a creative way. So if you’re like me, and your children are now grown, and you have closets and drawers full of craft materials and supplies, please donate them to a center like these.

Re-Gift:
For some of you, this is a dirty word, but in my house, I am proud to say that I have turned many “lovingly used” items into gifts. Passing books along to friends is a favorite of mine. Attach a note and pass along your good thoughts and well wishes, featuring the wonderful benefit you received from the story or message of the book and how you wish that for the new reader.

What’s wrong with sharing the joy you received from an item with someone new? I learned this lesson as a child from a great aunt who lived to be 99 years old. In her later years, she began re-gifting items to family and friends when, in her words, she was still able to enjoy seeing the joy the gift brought to each of us. You too, can carry on that tradition.

And for those items that never even came out of the box, there’s always the office or association grab bag event to make good use of them.

One last note on donations: With all of these options, please don’t just drop a box and run. Do your homework, and make sure that the organization wants what you are bringing to them. Otherwise, your good intentions will turn into a headache for the organization, and likely, just end up in the trash.

Now for the hard part…now that you’re on your way to getting rid of the stuff you can touch, how ‘bout the “stuff” you can feel?Remember, I mentioned “Letting Go”, as in letting go of emotional baggage, old beliefs and negative self-talk…we need to do that, too.

I know it’s easier said than done. So, pick up a copy of “The Language of Letting Go” by Melody Beattie, and/or “The Language of Letting Go Journal” if you’re ready to begin this process, and you’ll be guided along by the woman who has made helping people “let go” her life’s work. You can even purchase this wonderful book of daily mediatations “pre-owned” for as little as $3.94. Click here for more info.

With my old “stuff” well on the way to being cleared out, I choose to focus on these “letting go” principles:

I choose to let go of what used to be
I choose to let go of what could have been
I choose to let go of lost loves
I choose to let go of past resentments
I choose to let go of judgements
I choose to let go of self-doubt
I choose to let go of limiting beliefs
I choose to let go of old identities
I choose to let go of expectations
and pre-determined outcomes

And I choose to let go of my need to control!

Why do I do this? Why have I made these affirmations a part of my daily process for years?

Because I know that when I do, I make room for letting the good “stuff’ happen. It’s a simple law of nature.

I know that each day I donate one more item, repeat one more affirmation, and discard one more hint of old beliefs, is a day that I open myself up to limitless possibility. And I’ll take the joy that comes with that over clinging to my old “stuff” any day!

In the spirit of wisdom, wellness and prosperity-

Nanette

The Holiday Season is a Time For…

I’ve been thinking about this blog post all week, and was struggling to find the “perfect” and “profound” thing to share…

Note to self: I vowed to eliminate the word “struggle” from my vocabulary this year– guess I haven’t quite succeeded yet… Reminder: effortless is my theme of this new year

…then, as I was clearing my emails this morning, I received a newsletter titled “The Top 10 Holiday “Shoulds” (and Permission to Just Breathe and Let them Go)” from Christine Kane, an artist and creativity consultant.

Instantly, I knew that even though I should come up with something of my own, I had found my answer, her newsletter is the perfect words of wisdom to share today.

And it’s the perfect reminder for me to take a long, deep, breathe, and remember that the holiday season is a time to connect…

…not to things… but to friends, family, lovers and strangers, and mostly, to ourselves.

For me, the holiday season is a time for celebration of life, love and light, and for renewal and re-birth. Nothing else really matters, does it?

So enjoy Christine’s words– I couldn’t have said it better– and if you haven’t already done your journalling for the day, ask yourself the question…what is the holiday season a time for to you?

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The Top 10 Holiday “Shoulds” (and Permission to Just Breathe and Let them Go)
Do you know the “shoulds?” Those voices that occasionally creep around your head telling you that things aren’t as good as they could be and that everything would be better if you behaved well?

Yea?

Well, you’re not alone. We all go there from time to time. Some of us spend our every waking moment “shoulding” on ourselves!

In the coaching/mentoring work I do, I know one thing to be true about this time of year:

The Holiday Shoulds are a special breed of Should. The Holiday Shoulds are loud and insidious. If you’re not conscious, they can make you believe that they’re a rational way to think.

After all, during the holidays, people become almost hypnotized into believing that every moment should be a certain way, that every yard should look a certain way, that every family should behave a certain way – and that it’s okay to beat themselves up for their own preferences or for not keeping up with the imaginary standard.

Here’s a list of the Top Ten Holiday Shoulds, along with a thought or two about simply letting them go, and delighting in this moment. In the words of Byron Katie: “When I argue with What Is, I lose. But only 100% of the time.”

1 – I should have a new outfit to wear to the Christmas party!

Last year’s outfit is fine. Your shiny happy self tells a brighter story than something you bought at a store.

2 – I should have done hand-made Christmas cards! (Or, I should’ve done Christmas Cards at all!)

Relax. If you had time to delight in making cards, that would be great. But it’s okay that you didn’t. And as for not sending cards, you can send them out next year. (Or, be like my brother’s family and send out Valentine Cards instead!)

3 – My kids/parents should behave differently!

Everyone is doing the best they can. What would happen if you simply accepted each person’s path and choices – and let them be exactly where they are?

4 – I should’ve bought more expensive presents!

When gifting becomes about competition or keeping up, then it just drains you. Take a moment to remember who you are and how you want to love the people in your life. Nothing beats authenticity.

5 – I should go out and buy more [insert useless consumer good or processed food here.]

When you nervously become a consumer for no reason, challenge yourself to sit down, listen, and experience the emptiness. You might find that it’s actually quite peaceful in there!

6 – I should’ve lost weight this year!

Become a champion of yourself. Make a list of five great things you accomplished this year, and let go of those things you didn’t. You can revisit them in January.

7 – The Holidays should look more like the pretty scenes in a snow globe or on Christmas specials!

The cool thing about snow globes and such is the happy feeling they create inside of you. Instead of thinking everything should make you feel that way, try to capture the feeling you get from those things – and then carry that feeling to each moment in your life. I call this Positive Daydreaming.

8 – I should’ve made [Insert time-consuming baked good featured in Martha Stewart Magazine]!

See #5. And remember that Martha Stewart has a very large staff. And that there’s rarely a shortage of sugary baked items during the holidays.

9 – My house should have better decorations!

See #8. And go take a nap.

10 – I should make better scrapbook pages after the holidays!

Doing good scrapbooks does not make you a good mother, sister, daughter or friend. Doing good scrapbooks makes you someone who has time to scrapbook. If you use photo-boxes or boring albums, you’re still a wonderful human, and we’ll all still love you.

**BONUS SHOULD**
11 – It should be The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Christmas is lovely with all of its twinkle lights and confectionary goodies, AND there are many wonderful times each year. (I happen to love each and every time I hike in the woods, no matter what time of year it is!)

Wonderful is about your delight and how you feel on the inside. When you let go of what is not authentic delight for you, then you might be surprised at how simple the holidays become. You might find that wonderful is right here in this very moment.
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Performer, songwriter, and creativity consultant Christine Kane publishes her ‘LiveCreative’ weekly ezine with more than 4,000 subscribers. If you want to be the artist of your life and create authentic and lasting success, you can sign up for a FRE*E subscription to LiveCreative at www.christinekane.com.

WANT TO SEE HUNDREDS MORE ARTICLES LIKE THIS ONE?
See Christine’s blog – Be Creative. Be Conscious. Be Courageous – at ChristineKane.com/blog.