Confessions of a Recovering Stress Junkie

Preparing my first newsletter in 2009, I was inspired by my mastermind group. In the voices of some members, I heard the same anxious and stressed tone that was such a familiar pattern for me…

I admit it — I am a recovering stress and adrenaline junkie.

And, here’s what I know for sure as a result… My natural ability to control large projects, multi-layered strategies, emergency situations, and rapidly changing environments was a complete cover-up for a deep, deep wound. Now I know that wound was a hole in my heart. After years of living this way, eventually my life was a mess, and so was I. Finally stressed to the breaking point, in a moment of what I can only describe as divine intervention, I knew that I was no longer in control– that I couldn’t do anymore– and that my only choice was to surrender. 

I had to give up trying to control everything.

I had to acknowledge there were things I could not change and I had to surrender my will and my life over to the care of this power greater than me. And, the scariest part was that I had no idea who or what that power greater than me was! All I knew was this message was loud and clear – letting go of doing too much was the only way to have a better, happier life. I had no idea how hard that was going to be! The problem was that letting go meant giving up all the things that had given my life value in my eyes up until then. And, when I wasn’t exhaustingly busy doing and controlling everything, so that the hole in my heart wasn’t exposed, the ugly gunk that was in there started bubbling up. And when it did, my ego mind would drag me back into more doing so I could create more false self-worth and cover up the hole. Truth be told, sometimes that old patterning still shows up. But over many years I learned to stop stuffing that hole with busy-ness and to fill it with self-love and self-worth instead. That’s where the value of inner work really shows itself to me. My wellness practice supports me to heal. I’ve learned that it’s OK to be me, that I am worthy as I am, “warts and all”. With this knowing I can share my true, authentic self with the world, see and hear divine guidance, take inspired action and step into being considerably HUGE!

So what do I mean by inner work?

For me, inner work is the practice of connecting to my spirit, my soul, my self. For every person, the way you choose to connect is as unique as you are. Ellen Meredith, author of Listening In: Dialogues with the Wiser Self, confirms that many of us get cut off from spiritual nurturing in today’s world. We tend to obscure that “small still voice” within which can guide us. She says, “There is no reason why your spiritual “practice” needs to be separate from the rest of your life”. And I agree!

“There is no rule that says you must sit apart in pious reflection and prayer for several hours a day. In fact, the more you find ways to let the activities you do naturally resonate for you, the more likely you are to have a dynamic spiritual practice.” – Ellen Meredith

1. Wisdom Walks
2. Affirmative Reading
3. Daily Journaling
4. Support from a mentor/coach/group

Wisdom Walks:

“Like an ability or a muscle, hearing your inner wisdom is strengthened by doing it.” — Robbie Gass

Affirmative Reading:

Buried under the negative messaging you have learned to believe, is a quiet voice wanting to be heard. This voice is waiting for you to re-discover the language of self-love you knew as a child. Listen for her whispers.

Journaling:

In the beginning, I found it really hard to write my thoughts. It made me feel too vulnerable and that was too scary. And I stuck with it. Now I know that this is the way I found myself again. This is the way I continue to create my most joy-filled life. And, most importantly, putting my thoughts on paper continues to help me to move through fear, doubt, and negativity, when they show up. Julia Cameron says she writes Morning Pages to “get to the other side: the other side of fear, of our negativity, of our moods. Above all, they get us beyond our Censor.” Find a book and a pen or pencil that feels good. Keep it in a safe place. Reach for it often, and begin without judgment. Just write. Even if you write “I don’t know what to write today”, begin the practice, and you will find comfort. And, it will get easier.

Support from a coach/mentor/support group:

As my thoughts became clearer, and that still, small voice, I now call my Inner Wisdom, began to speak louder, having a coach/mentor or support group nearby provided much needed support. Having that support provided a filter that led me to greater clarity, and faster, too! I learned I was not alone. Napolean Hill, author of “Think and Grow Rich” first introduced us to the power of the mastermind group, where individuals gathered to support each other. The strength of the group could be counted on to “uplevel” each of the participants. Part accountability partner and part motivational support, these groups help you find the strength and support to turn inspiration into action. Coaches of all specialties are available in every location and even remotely via teleclass, webinar and video chat. Low or no cost support groups, facilitated by volunteers, are available through most community centers and hospitals. Find a friend who attends a regular 12 step meeting and go with her. Many of them are available for non-drug or alcohol related addictions, like CoDa, which focuses on relationships and self-love. A small $1 or $2 donation is all that is expected, if you have the means. Even if one-on-one coaching may seem out of your budget today, you can begin to experience the support in groups that usually have a minimal expense. Don’t be afraid to reach out if you hear a message that resonates with you. Borrow books, go to the library. Trust that a message that resonates with you is a message you are intended to hear. Stop searching and allow yourself to become immersed in that support. For a long time, I was so frightened by the awareness I was gaining from the support of my chosen mentors that I kept running from group to group, keeping myself busy and distracted. As a result, my journey has been much longer than it needed to be. Stick with it, even when you are uncomfortable. All progress takes place in the discomfort zone! Do the work without judgment. Be conscious of choosing friends who will encourage you to do the work, not just talk about it– over time, you will begin to know the difference very clearly. Recommended frequency: Weekly at a minimum.

And in all of these practices, there is one constant lesson– pay attention with an open mind.

I’ve learned to believe. Set skepticism aside and allow these simple practices to connect you to your inner guidance – your Inner Wisdom. Nurture your soul by paying attention to the beauty of all that surrounds you. Slow down. Get off the treadmill. Make the choice to discard everything that distracts you from paying attention to your true voice.

In The Artist’s Way, Julia Cameron writes:

“The quality of life is in proportion, always, to the capacity for delight. The capacity for delight is the gift of paying attention.

The reward for attention is always healing.”