One of my clients admitted to me that she can talk to me about her specific business and life goals, but writing them down has been impossible for her in the past. Why is that? I wondered out loud.
Why is it that writing goals are different than just saying them aloud? And why is it that her admission, and the question that followed, really stuck with me?
“We teach best what we most need to learn”, I’m reminded, in the quote by Richard Bach.
What I know is that, for me, writing has permanence. I believe that we amplify our intentions by declaring them to another person, and I encourage that practice for myself and others.
But, somehow, there’s something about writing those intentions down that’s different.
And it’s scary. I get that. I feel it, too!
On my self-discovery journey, I’ve learned to get clear about my vision for the future, but when I try to declare the step by step goals that are required to make that vision a reality, I struggle.
How can I commit to and achieve goals if I can’t even write them down? And even worse, how can I help my clients do the same?
As I explored this growing awareness, I reached out to gain some clarity, hoping to find some answers to the question, “Why don’t I have the courage to commit to goals?”.
In her book, 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women, author Gail McMeekin defines a goal this way:
“A goal is a statement of intention. A goal is a result towards which effort is directed. A goal is a target, a point of completion for a predetermined desired or want within a specific time frame. A goal is an agreed upon measurable level of output.”
Writing a statement of intention is no longer the challenge it was for me years ago, as long as I make sweeping, broad, generalized statements. Making goals based on a “predetermined desire” and specific enough to measure “a point of completion”, or “an agreed upon measurable level of output” is clearly the issue.
Of course in my training and in my work, I use some form of goal setting for myself. But faced with this question, and getting really honest with myself, I see that I really don’t give those goals much attention or attach much significance to them.
My growing sense is that I don’t really mean them. I just write them because I think I should.
Could it be that I don’t believe the goals I write either?
Dave Navarro (not the rocker), in an amazing ebook called “What’s Holding You Back”, talks about the things he calls “Success Killers”. He defines “Success Killers” as the thoughts we think that block us.
OK.
So what’s blocking me?
And, how ’bout you?
Digging a little more I found Mike Brescia and his “Think Right Now!” programs for behavior modification. In his programs, Mike highlights a list of mental failure patterns. As I skimmed through them, two caught my eye…
Could it be that I have negative associations to what I think I might have to do to achieve a particular goal? And might it be true that I am scared to death that goals that have meaning to me are just too big for any real person to accomplish?
Clearly, those poorly defined goals are not pulling me forward. And I am not motivated to achieve them, nor am I committed to taking the required actions.
What else might be getting in my way? Ask yourself these questions, too.
Might I be afraid to commit because the future is uncertain and I know from personal experience that things don’t always go as planned?
Or am I simply afraid of failing? Maybe I’m not confident that I can handle the roadblocks or challenges that inevitably will come up.
Or even more insidious, am I afraid of success? What life changes do I associate with the success that makes me nervous or uncomfortable?
Or am I just waiting until everything is perfect before I even truly get started?
Is the possibility that I might embarrass myself or disappoint a family member, friend or client holding me back?
As I continued to ponder these powerful questions, I suddenly wondered if maybe I’m struggling to commit because I see these goals as superficial and without meaning. And if that’s true, what would it take for me to re-connect to goals? How do I create a plan that does have meaningful benefits to the achievement of those markers of success? What milestones of meaning might I use?
And what I realize I’m learning as the day progresses, is that spending time reflecting on the answers to these questions is truly where the answer lies.
This self-discovery process takes courage…lots of it.
Asking and answering these very personal, introspective questions is not for the faint-hearted. But the reward in understanding will bring clarity of thought and the confidence to take deliberate committed action toward your goals.
And confidence will bring success. In “Think Right Now!” Mike Brescia shares:
“Confidence is more than just the absence of doubt. It is the complete certainty of ability or of an outcome. It comes from previous success at a thing, from encouragement, intense desire, imagination, preparation and from courage…the ability to get yourself to do a thing even though you may be scared to death.”
If setting and committing to meaningful goals is a challenge for you, take some time for self-reflection. Ask yourself these hard questions. Seek answers that change your thinking and build your confidence. Then use this new found confidence to support you as you keep a clear and constant focus on your path.
Success is within your reach.
These are powerful questions, indeed! Thanks for sharing your process, Nanette. You are so right that goal-setting isn’t just about making a statement — it’s about analyzing the why and conquering the fears and uncertainties. Being afraid of success is an interesting thought. I think that sometimes I’m afraid of success in the sense that I’ve made an image for myself as someone who lives humbly in a developing country.
It just goes to show that your fears and uncertainties may be even deeper than you think. As such, deep self-reflection is so beneficial! =)
Love reading your thoughts, Nanette. =)
Samantha,
I’m so glad you’re finding this post helpful. I’ve been exploring the idea goals as de-motivators for a while…and these questions really start to tap into some of those issues in a much bigger way than before.
There’s more to come, I’m sure…
I can authoritatively say that I’m personally afraid of the success and if I can manage it properly so it doesn’t fade away.
I still do have my dreams of singing professionally some day but I’ve kinda left that in the back burner for now as I’m kinda sceptical about how it’s all going to work out if I were to dump my current secure work as a doctor to pursue my passion
I do have the confidence needed to make it happen but it would appear that it’s still shaky and needs some solid base 🙂
I’m so glad you gave me the “heads up” on your comment making it’s way to my spam box. You were right, Udegbunam.
And I’m glad to resurrect it here, because I so appreciate your honesty and self-reflection.
May I suggest that maybe you don’t have to “dump your secure work” to begin pursuing your passion…
ask yourself the question, “how can I?” with an open mind and you might be surprised what you hear as the answers.
Wishing you well-
Nanette
Nanette,
The biggest challenge is identifying our self-limiting beliefs, thoughts, and actions. Thank you for being so open and it seems you know that you may be standing in your own way at times. I know I do (we all do).
It’s troubling how little faith we have in ourselves sometimes or how de-motivated we can become over time. School teaches us to learn and pay attention but applying ourselves is either an innate drive or learned from family and environment. Just taking action, for many people, is the tallest hurdle.
Thank you for rounding up so many deep questions in one article. Off I go to share this with my communities…
Jon
Jon, you’ve perfectly summarized the self-discovery evolution…
awareness, understanding, and then action.
“How little faith we have in ourselves”, “either innate drive or learned” and “taking action…is the tallest hurdle” are certainly subjects for further exploration.
Thanks for contributing to the dialogue.
Wishing you well–
Nanette
Nanette, aloha. You are so right that writing it down does make a huge difference as opposed to just thinking about it in our heads. A terrific book that goes into the physiological aspects of the power of writing your goals is “Write It Down, Make It Happen: Knowing What You Want And Getting It” by Henriette Anne Klauser PhD. In my opinion, this book should be required reading for everyone.
Here are two items that I believe are key to success in achieving your goals: (1) admit what you want and (2) are you willing to spend 30 minutes each day to making it happen. The answers to those statements/questions are essential for success.
Thx you for sharing your introspective journey with us, Nanette. Aloha. Janet
Thank you Janet, for sharing that book title. Looks interesting…
and I love your question: “Are you willing to spend 30 minutes each day to making it happen?”
My word theme for this year is: “consistent persistence”. Saying it is much easier than doing it!
I appreciate your contribution here.
Wishing you well-
Nanette
Hey Nanette,
This is something wonderful and a must read for everyone. In my opinion, most people have the fear of failure, fear of commitment and some even have fear of success.
Fear of failure is useless because there is no point in making a goal (or dreaming for something) and then think that we will ultimately fail in that goal. This shows our laziness, that we are not ready to put forth the effort needed to succeed. One can anticipate failure and be prepared but the fear of failure is bad.
Fear of success is good; that helps us to be prepared for whatever consequences we will be facing if we succeed in our mission. Most of the times, success brings in nice consequences and they can be handled easily.
Cheers,
Jane.
Good morning Jane-
Thank you for adding your perceptions to the conversation here.
The feeling sometimes defined as “laziness” comes up in my circles often…
I believe that “laziness” is rarely just a concrete unwillingness to act or a conscious avoidance of effort. I know that when my bratty, lazy self appears that means there are a few more layers of self-discovery to peel away. I know that when I “don’t want to work” there is a much greater force at work here, and a lesson waiting to be learned.
I also know that with each question I ask of myself and others, my awareness and understanding grows. Untethered action is soon to follow!
Wishing you well-
Nanette
Hi Nanette… For the first time EVER I wrote up my 5 year goal list in November 2010. I’m talking big lofty goals that I’ve really been wanting to achieve. I can’t tell you how empowering it was to write those goals down and formally commit to them. It has really made a difference in my work ethic because for me it’s not enough to know what I want. Having my goals written down has articulated them in an entirely new light.
I don’t think I’ve ever had a lack of faith in myself. I believe I’ve just been lazy and complacent with where my life was. It feels good to be moving towards something larger and, well, different.
Dahlia
Hi Nanette,
thanks for sharing this. I love Richard Bach’s quote. It reminds me of the old German saying that shoemakers have the worst shoes.
Goals need to be written, that’s for sure and it’s a oart of the commitment.
Failing to do so is certainly a sign of lack of belief and faith.
There’s also an saying that if we don’t believe in our goals, who will ?
And this one is completely wrong even though it’s the holy cow of self-help.
I just found out that believing in ourselves is actually the last step and not the first. The first step is having someone who believes in us, the second to believe in somebody else and the last to believe in ourselves.
I am more than happy that I have a mentor who believes in me until I am able to believe in myself.
Take care
Oliver
Hi Nanette,
Powerful post and these are great questions. Writing the goals on a paper makes a huge difference.
I love the quote of mike and your last para about confidence.
You did great job with this post gal. Thanks for sharing this awesome stuff.
Have a great day.
~Dev
Thank you for your support, Devesh. I am truly grateful.
Wishing you well-
Nanette
Very powerful post! Committing to goals really takes courage. Thanks for sharing such post I will surely look back unto this..
Lynne
Lynne-
I’m glad you found this post inspiring. Don’t hesitate to check back in and let us all know how you integrate some of the concepts into your routine, OK?
Wishing you well-
Nanette
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